I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
