yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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