If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
