I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
