i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
