haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I smell stomach acid.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
