I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
