It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize