oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
