Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
