it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook