yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Use "feeling words"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in