i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.