you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
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Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.