There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.