Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.