how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.