idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?