walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
