It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Don't tell me you're on acid again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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