You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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