Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
