I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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