I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
