She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
