chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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