Moan for me like Helen Keller
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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