I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
