just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
