I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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