He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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