I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
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He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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