You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
