im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny