He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
our cab driver is having phone sex.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems