May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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