planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
