yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
high people should be assigned attendants
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
