Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
