I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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