it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
