we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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