How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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