fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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