What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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