why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
