return my video game
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
