did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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