The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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