Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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