there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Say something about gay babies.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
