it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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