You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
