just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
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I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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