ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
