what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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