I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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