Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
