Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
