I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Enjoy the penises
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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