the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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