I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
