My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
