she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
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Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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