So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize