Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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