why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
