I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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