Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
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Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
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Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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