The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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