WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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